Emotional Bullying - let's try AHIMSA

So I'm thinking... bullying. yeah, it sucks. stop bullying in schools. Of course - teach children that it's inappropriate behavior to bully.

But the problem is, when it comes down to it, managing in LIFE is about managing bullies every step of the way, not just in school. Bad bosses, sleazy car salesmen, angry boyfriends/girlfriends, thoughtless drivers, indignant cashiers, frustrated teachers, ANYONE makes you feel "do it my way or ELSE I'll hit-expose-hurt-embarrass-dismiss-overcharge-belittle-ignore-undermine you.

Let's be honest - we ALL do a bit of huffy bravado chest thumping when we tell some customer service agent "If you don't satisfy me I'll NEVER buy your product again and I'll tell everyone you suck." We may be talking about a product, but someone reads that letter - someone is on the other end of that phone call. Have you given a sneer to the cashier at the grocery store when they weren't moving quickly. Yup - that's bullying, in a manner of speaking. What positive response can you expect to get form such haughtiness?

There's bullying on the global scale too - world politics is one big game of Who's the Biggest Bully - genocide, class struggles, interment camps, castes, republicans vs. democrats, police vs. the people, people vs. the people, government vs. the people.

Bullying, though I hate to admit it, is part of life. I mean, that's how animals assert dominance right? And we are animals. We cannot control human behavior any more than we can control any animal behavior.

When it comes down to it I don't really think we can stop bullying. BUT - we can modify how we act, we can adapt and learn from mistakes that have caused insult in the past. We can pass on lessons of AHIMSA (peace and love and gentility and non-harming) to try to make this world, even our small ones, a better place.

So what we do? How do we help our children, not just protect them but prepare them for the world where we can't always talk to a principal, or swoop in for rescue? Well it seems to me that is a three step process.

1) TELL them bullying is wrong because it hurts people's feelings.

2) SHOW them bullying is wrong by modeling thoughtful behavior ALL THE TIME. Even when someone cuts you off on the freeway. Even when you are in hurry and you want someone to drive faster. EVEN when you know you are right but especially when you know you are not.

3) TEACH them how to adapt, how to be happy, how to be strong, how to be self-confident and know when to engage in dialogue, and when it's smart to walk away.

Trying. In loving parenthood attempts, one day at a time.

Cancer Awareness Month - Donations for Eye Pillows

With October month being Breast Cancer Awareness Month (as if it's impossible to not be aware), I want to do more than send good energy: I want to put my money where my asana is. I would like to create yoga eye pillows for my network of amazing people, and donate some of the proceeds to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, to help fund mammograms for women in need.

Three standard sizes and a child's size eye pillow

The pillow I make are similar to the ones I've used in class (the envelope-sized silky covered flax- or bean- filled pads that you see in spas and yoga studios), but these are even more special. For you, these will be hand  sewn pillows filled with a combination of flax, rice and lentils, plus dried lavender, chamomile and/or peppermint. Each pillow has a removable and washable cover, and a heavy duty insert that can be put into the freezer for cold therapy, or in the microwave (for 10 second bursts) and used as a hot compress. The pillow is also quite nice at room temperature to be used to cover the eyes during Savasana, providing a nice weight against the closed lids, and a subtle herbal scent to sooth the nervous system. 

Eli age three modeling the kid's size

I have a variety of cotton, flannel and fleece fabrics in beautiful colors so every piece will be different. Let me know if you have a color preference and I can try to match your request(s).

Standard "eye pillow" size is 8.5"x4" (more or less). I can also make head wraps (that drape over someone's head who is lying down - great for migraine sufferers) that are twice that length (same width), and I can make longer neck wraps if you like (about 20". The larger items have pocketed chambers to keep the inside goodies evenly distributed. I'm also experimenting with "knee wraps" that are about 12" x 8" with four long channels to facilitate the pad wrapping arounnd the knee joint.

I'm somewhat winging this retail operation so bear with me while I get the nitty gritty details ironed out. I just want to share the goods and good will.

I will donate 25% of every paid purchase to the National Breast Cancer Foundation to help provide mammograms to women in need. Alternately, if you are, or have a friend or loved one "fighting the good fight" undergoing any kind of cancer treatment, it would be my honor to give you or them an eye pillow for FREE. This offer is good until the end of 2015 (and will probably be extended well beyond).

Please know that since *I* am not a non-profit these are not tax deductible "donations" from you. However if you purchase one and then gift it to a non-profit fundraiser may to deduct your cost of the items (please contact a tax professional for accurate information).

Local San Diegans we can arrange a meetup, or pickup at one of my yoga classes. If you need your items shipped email me and we'll get the details worked out.

A stack of eye pillow pets

The photos show some of my previously created (and sold/given away) items to help motivate you (not all the fabrics/animals are available but I have many more options). 

Pricing (sizes are approximate):

5.5 x 4 Child's size eye pillow: $5

8.5 x 4 Standard size eye pillow: $8

15 x 4 Large head wrap: $15

20 x 4 Neck Wrap: $20

12 x 8 Knee Wrap: $18

Stuffed Animal pillow (for kids): $15

Closeup of a eye pup-pillow

Senior Events Around Town

Just looking around the newspaper and found quite a few healthy living events and information resources focused on our Gold Silver and Platinum age bracket folks (can I at least be bronze? or pewter? sometimes I just feel like Iron Oxide). I love the idea about constantly trying to create, improve, contribute and be part of a community - a sangha space.

The City of La Mesa will host its 6th annual Senior Expo on Friday, October 30, 2015.
With a wide variety of speakers and exhibitors, Expo will offer free “one-stop shopping” for adults facing life changes that may affect their independence, or those who would like great tips on safety and security. Supported by funding from SANDAG, Expo will be held at the La Mesa Community Center, 4975 Memorial Drive, La Mesa 91942 from 8:30 am to 1:00 pm.

Other La Mesa Upcoming Events

http://www.lamesatoday.com/events/event/listUpcoming

Live Well San Diego

http://www.livewellsd.org/ Live Well San Diego is the County of San Diego's vision for a region that is Building Better Health, Living Safely and Thriving. Although Live Well San Diego began in 2010 as a health strategy, it has evolved into a greater vision to improve the health, safety and well-being of all County residents. 

Senior Services for the City for San Diego

Legal assistance, book exchange programs, newsletter signup (The Scroll), trips, park clubs, and more. http://www.sandiego.gov/park-and-recreation/activities/seniorservices/

Serving Seniors

Serving Seniors is a safety net for seniors to look to in times of need. http://www.servingseniors.org/programs-services/

Inpsiration - Big Girl Yoga

I just had to link to this woman's website - she embodies all that is truly yoga.

https://www.facebook.com/biggalyoga

http://www.biggalyoga.com/

Self love through yoga.

Valerie aka Big Gal Yoga is a yoga practitioner, installation artist, ceramicist, radical self love enthusiast, and body positive encourager based in the SF Bay Area. She started her yoga practice at her university with yogi Lawrence Caughlan who gave her a positive view on practicing yoga, and believing that as long as you have the determination, motivation, and patience anyone can do yoga. Valerie's yoga practice is about learning to love yourself physically and mentally through yoga. Learning to listen to your body, to know when to push it and when to protect it.

Now that Valerie has finished her undergraduate studies in a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Spatial Arts, she will be focusing more on her yoga practice and connecting to the yoga community. As well she is announcing that she will be doing Yoga Teacher Training at the beginning of 2016. There will be a fundraiser for her YTT during the fall/early winter, as well as she has a GO FUND ME to raise $4000 to train at the 7 Centers Yoga Arts in Sedona, Arizona."

Non Judgement

A sign at the gym where I was teaching read "Your body is a reflection of your physical standards."

That message alone would discourage most people I know from going to the gym. Is the gym implying that someone with a prosthetic or in a wheelchair or who had a congential problem or is trying to get fit but is overweight has low standards?

Now I'm sure it was just someone's attempt at being pithy and trying to garner memberships and they didnt' think about it too much. But really, that was pretty shallow and callous.

In a cheerful demeanor I suggested they change it to be less insenstive, less judgemental, less superficial.

I didn't state this but I would prefer (at least in the context of a "fitness gym"):

"Your state of mind has a direct relationship with the health of your body. Elevate the fitness of both!"

Secrets for a Long and Healthy Life

 Onlyhealth(physical,mentaland spiritual) can lead totrue happiness, and I willgive you someusefulhealthy tips thatcan help usin strengtheninghealthand prolonging life.

  Neverbe lazy. Takeat least15minutesforyoga andexercisesfor the stomach.Only dailyexercise canhelp you in ensuringhealth andlong life.Just15minutes a daywillsave you frommedicinesand otherdevices.Becalmandhappywhile exercising. It willgrant youhealth, beautyand long life.

  Breathedeeplyof fresh airfor at least20minutes in the morningand evening.

  Drinkcleanwater withoutfluorineorfilter thetap water. Bestisnatural, spring, notbottledwater.Leave thewaterin the sunfor several hoursin a glass and clear bottleto soaksolarenergy.Do not leaveat night.

  Sleepfrom 10 am until2o'clock in the morning-becausethen the bodyproduceshealinghormones.Followthe rhythmof the sun.

  Noexercise, no food! It shouldbecome yourlife motto!

  Eatslowlyand do not drinkwater duringthe meal.You canturn offthirst one hour aftereating, and it is bestto drinkbefore meals.

  Base the nutrition onfresh fruit, vegetables and eatmuesli.If you eat cookedvegetables,theneattwice as muchfresh fruit.

  Do not eatfried, too much boiled, hotand coldfood.

  Avoidindustrialfood, especially soupsorspicescontainingMonoSodiumGlutamate(whichis found in almostevery industrialfood), use sea salt andnatural oil.

  Avoiddietaryproducts containingartificialsweeteners.

  Avoidalcohol,coffee, gum, food or drinks fromcans.

  After eating, slowly moveback and forthwhilemassagingthe bellywith your hand. This willafforda gooddigestionand properworkingof the intestines.

  Be positive andalways keepsmiling,it willstimulatethe secretion ofhealing hormones, notthinkandtalkednegatively aboutyourselfor othersbecauseyour subconsciousfollowsyour thoughts.Behaveasa healthy person.

  Whenwe forgive,we get relieved fromhatredand angerthat affectthe secretion ofnegative hormonesthatdamageour health,with theforgiveness toothers –we helpourself.

  In particulartake care for your spiritual healthand tranquilitybecause itis veryimportantfora long, healthyand happy life.

Recipefor gooddigestion:

1. Mix100g butter, honey, cocoa powder andtwo tablespoons offreshlysqueezedjuiceof aloe.
2.Placethe mixture in refrigerator fora while totighten.3.Rollthe mixture, andevery daybefore meals, cuta piece ofthesizeof aspoonandeatit.

  This isan effectiveprescription.On the one handAloestimulates the secretion ofgastricjuices andstimulatesdigestion, on the other handbutter andcocoaprotectthe stomach.

Pinatas, Ahimsa, and Charity

I take a small departure from the purely yogic world to talk about something that came up for me at my son's 6th birthday party yesterday.

Instead of a traditional candy filled pinata, we filled one with 720 ping pong balls, and told the kids that when the goodies fell out of the pinata, they were to collect whatever they wanted, and then put them in any of six boxes around the party site - 2 each for charities that Eli picked out. Ever ball was worth five cents toward that chartiy. Children were welcome to take some home as well. Though Eli thought the kids would be upset there was no candy, then scramble to shove ping pong balls into pockets and shirts and hands and pants seemed to entertain them well enough, as well as playing "basketball" tossing the balls into the boxes.

I was pleased with my cool new idea, saving quite a bit of money by not buying candy, and sparing parents and kids the sugar hang-over as well as reducing the "gimme more candy" scramble the invariably leaves some kids crying.

But it turns out my new "trend" isn't so new... at some point in history, pinatas were used to help children learn religious lessons, with one of them being Charity. From the interwebs ""Finally the piñata symbolized ‘Caridad’, Charity. With its eventual breaking, everyone shared in the divine blessings and gifts." (see http://www.mexconnect.com/articles/459-history-of-the-pi%C3%B1ata).

Which brings me to my point. With these sweet and celebratory roots of the tradition, it pains me to see children elbowing one another to get at the candy. Which is why did the HUGE quantity of ping pong balls AND made the kids use a wiffle bat (so that more kids had a chance to play, and EVERYONE would get prizes).

But I started to question the practice in general when I saw that children that were having a difficult time NOT punching and hitting the pinata long before we were playing the game because they KNEW (well, assumed) that there was a ton of candy inside. I heard them say they "couldn't wait" and "I really want to SMASH it" That bothered me. A Lot. I mean, it's just a little game that sometimes gets you some candy - why was it jacking them up so damn much?

When the game started it was innocent enough. But some kids were so riled up, they tried to use the bat to tear the pinata from its hangar, tried to punch through the bottom and stab at it with the bat. Then when the first gifts fell from our pinata, a few grabbed at it and started to aggressively tear the panels open so they could dump out the contents. And then it got ugly (uglier) - kids on the ground having fun picking up the ping pong balls, but what I was drawn to watching were the few that tore the darn thing down from the tree, using hands, feet and the bad to beat it into submission, to absolutely dismember it. When the ball gathering had completed, the (battle) ground was littered with little yellow streamer paper and shreads of cardboard, dirtied and damp, he whole thing discarded and dismissed, as they all went on the enjoy the party.

I'm being a bit (ok, a lot) dramatic here, but what I felt when I watched this take place was a complete oxymoron of emotions. One the one hand, the charity experiment was WORKING - kids were loving the game, parents were loving the game, and there was much joy as balls rolled all over the grass so kids were spread out and NOT climbing on top of one another.

On the other hand, I felt a sinking failure as a parent: that my son and his sweet friends would participate in a mob that was bent on destroying something innocent. That platiutdes like "oh kids will be kids" and "they need to get their aggression out on something" were running through my mind and uttered by others. That I created a scenario that encouraged aggression and unregulated release of it through destruction. That I had tried to teach Tzedakah (charity) and Tikkum Olum (healing the world) but Ahimsa (kindness/non harming) had been lost - or at least misinterpreted.

I should have said "please do NOT get all Lord of the Flies on the pinata - once it opens we'll get the goodies out but we will NOT be tearing the thing apart limb from limb." I should have, but I didn't. I didn't want to be that parent that ran into a feverish group of children yelling "STOP" and (probably) not being heard, because, well, "everyone does this."

When did this trend to "grab the goods and then tear that thing limb from limb" start? And why do we... why did *I* ....let it continue?

Studies show that even young children can be easily led to participate in mob mentality (https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=mob+mentality+children+studies&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart&sa=X&ved=0CBwQgQMwAGoVChMIiamBvP33xwIVgtSACh1YjQxP)

And as adults we engage in it all the time in SEEMINGLY harmless ways: sporting events, rock concerts, piolitcal rallies. How often do WE just let our "spiritedness" out in what might be a less than savory manner - how often to we show our children it's ok to act out, to lash out, to lose self control, as long as (you think) it's not harming anyone, or if there is a reward (candy?).

Anyway, I'm more than pleased that in the end, a few kids really really liked the message, as did my friends. And i know that it's just a pinata, really I do. But the issue of "what do we teach when we aren't paying (enough) attention" seems to be something to which I'll certainly (try to )be paying more attention.